OVERHEARD IN THE STREAM SATURDAY

No one is without blame and we all live in glass houses... COLO

The process of changing from a victim into a survivor is called recovery but recovery asks much of those who choose to heal ...KK TAYLOR

That's just a pitfall of blogging....we don't meet people in person. they are more like pen pals we don't meet.this is not a perfect world..RIVER RAT

This community will become even stronger for this experience. Let's go back to supporting each other, laughing together and just being here for one another. MAMA BEAR

Your mention of writing words can be very cruel as well as spoken. I sometimes see the written more cruel than spoken - there isn't the human element on the other side. CHANDA

I got a few friends on here..that I do know..friends stand by you..friends don't change with the weather..friends don't look for a way to use you..friends are a are gift CRACKER

Even Now, Especially Now, Love and compassion knows no bounds even now. CHEY

So many wonderful people, so many wonderful blogs to read and learn from and grow. If people could only remember their happy places and happy faces!!!!! and begin commenting from there then perhaps the back biting and the hurting and lashing out could come to an end. The peace of the stream is still here, everyone just has to look for it again.....MACKENZIE

Everybody just breathe. I mean really. There is enough oxygen for all of us. Hold your breath long enough, and you will just get all blue in the face, and eventually fall on the floor laughing or crying. Shit if I'm gonna fall on the floor crying. BIGGIE T

I can only hope that the dust will settle gently yet when it does, each person will have to look at their own reflection in the mirror and see how they represented themselves their own actions and behaviors to the people surrounding us who we have called friends... The question will be... Do you like what you see? POLAR BEAR

I Reserve the Right to Be Emotional In My Glass House...***Please Leave your vegetables Outside. COLO

If I apologize for shouting about my beliefs and opinions, it doesn't necessarily mean I don't still have my beliefs and opinions. It means I'm not going to shout at people and try to convince them that I'm right. Even people who disagree should have respect for each other.
DAISY

Trust is something earned and that is so hard online. MARY

My guess is that the vast majority, if not every one, of the people posting on blogstream and participating in the events of this last week DO care very deeply about people - - men, women, and children - - who've been victims of any kind of abuse. VALKYRIE

We all were at fault by letting our guard down, and I think we have all learned a blogging lesson. We must not get so carried away that we leave ourselves vulnerable.....
We must remember that some people are not what they seem......Just like in the real world, so in the blogstream world....HEIDE

Let the healing begin to heal the wounds which have beem opened- Take my hand friend and tomorrow will be a brighter day. POLAR BEAR

And I extend this prayer to our community. Members of our blogstream, I implore you to go to your blog this day and post your heartfelt forgiveness to someone. No apologies, no ifs, no ands, no buts, no emoticons. Just your healing words of forgiveness. LAGNIAPPE

We can only allow ourselves to be victims IF we allow it, at least the suffering that we come (become) that lives, eats, breathes, emanates etc the crud that tries so hard to eat us alive...MISTRESS REBA

REMEMBER: EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY; OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A REASON. HEATHER SCOT

Every "town" has a few bad guys, but mostly everyone is good here. RITA B

I hope everyone can put the anger behind them and move on. MISS LOU

Beautiful light is born of darkness, so the Faith that springs from conflict is often the strongest and best.~ R. Turnbull MARY ELIZABETH

Luck favors the prepared. Although I don't believe in the concept of luck, the principle is, that being prepared, can help one understand/deal with a situation. "Trust No One" can be said too. But too much distrust and apathy can work in just the same fashion as one who is prepared at all, or too inviting. ADAM WARLOCK

Attention is like sunlight to weeds - it only helps them grow. NIGHT BUG

Sometimes reality is not pretty. It's not the reality we want. It's time to pack up and move from Fantasy Island. BELLE

After Some Contemplation......I have come to the conclusion......that it is all about cheese. Strong, nutty, and melts well...but stinks when left out too long. Swiss ya later. BIGGIE T

My Daddy never hugged me, that's why I make fun of everyone! ZAPPA FAN

Hopefully this will all be behind us eventually and we can get back to the way it used to be before the snake came into our graden. LADY LEE

Forgiveness is a good feeling. GINA2

Save us, Oh LORD, This I Pray...Save Our Children PLEASE This Day!!...AMEN LILLADYREG

I can't believe there's not a big fat hug icon here cuz I'd sure send it to you, and any others on the Stream that need it especially now. BELLA

I wish for everyone to be friends again..it may or may not happen...but one can only hope that those that left come back home as they will all be sorely missed. CHEY HIS QUEEN

MY HEART GOES OUT TO ALL THAT HAVE BEEN HURT. NO IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! BIG DEAN

May the Lord bless and keep you all. My heart is with each of you and I love you all. PRISONER OF HOPE

And yes, while I am still shocked and dismayed by the ones who are spewing their vile, I forgot I was standing with friends watching this, not alone. WHISPERED PROMISES

Our moon, however so distant it may be....it is the tie that binds us together....THE YANKEE

Peacefully disagree on occasion, respect the beliefs and customs of others on the Stream and treat all who I encounter on the Stream as part of my extended family. CAPTAIN MORGAN

And the fact is, the issue is not mine so I can not let this affect me. PRANK

It would appear that the healing phase has begun and that the swords have finally been stuck in the sand. lets hope they stay there. SCRATCH

Life is different today. It isn't perfect but it is good. Anything is possible as long as there is faith and the willingness to walk through whatever comes my way. JONNIE

It is emotionally draining to be a Drama Queen. RED

Forgiving is not about forgetting - it is about remembering so that you know where to "sidestep" next time. LOOKING FOR LUCY

In the days to come I hope forgiveness is foremost on our minds. TRUTH SEEKER

There is a real story of interaction between humans that is both depressing and magical in this environment. MARC

It was not fire, but water

That consumed me, tears

For the lost, for the lonely,

And the heartbroken. Tears

For the humble, for the hungry,

And more. Then for the mighty, the proud,

And the ones who don't care what harm they do

In the name of All that is Good.

This river carried me, tumbled me,

Bruised me, tossed me, and washed me

Ashore. I rested and remembered

Who I am. I stood, I lifted my hands

To the heavens. I stand, I will be

Who I am.

Daisy

http://awaken.greatday.com/

I really was ready to put this thing down, but my mailbox is full of emails from friends who are still afraid and hurt. So many people are still asking what happened?

I think I know. I was here for most of it.

Allow me to be your witness, and I will tell you what I saw. I did listen and I think I understand everyone's point of view and why most of the people feel the way they do. I even understand Squash. I don't hate anybody. I am not a mob. I am standing alone.


What happened Saturday night actually started several months ago. As early as last spring, Squash began confessing "in confidence" to Survivors, asking for their understanding and making them feel like they were "helping" him, and playing on their sympathy, which of course, in case anyone here has forgotten, most of us Survivors are the most sympathetic people you would ever want to meet.

So, reasonable people, you decide ...

What would you think if a former child molester confessed that he was a former child molester and then, just a few weeks later, posting pictures of children at an Easter Egg Hunt? If you were molested as a child, would it scare you to know that a predator was in a public park, close enough to take pictures?

What would you think if a former child molester told a Survivor who's child was abused that he only had sex with his step-daughter because his wife wouldn't give him sex ... which incidentally ... is the EXACT same thing that happened to the Survivor?

What would you think if Squash told you, "People have been mean to me before. I got banned from a server because some people in a chat room ganged up on me and accused me of being a child abuser." Squash told me that in July. Sound familiar?

These are just a few examples. I think they smack of manipulation, cruelty and a bid for sympathy. Squash initiated contact with Survivors in a predatory way. Was he looking for victims or was it enough of a thrill to just play with their heads?

What Squash didn't count on was that the Survivors would start talking to each other, asking for advice and support, and pretty soon, the Survivors began to realize what was happening and simply QUIT talking to him. Squash started reaching out to new people, but wasn't getting as much attention/gratification so he started writing his new blog to "educate everyone about what a poor abuser has to suffer" ... He still craved more attention so he "went public". I read the blog the day he invited us all to read it. I noticed four things:

1. I thought it was a little creepy that he left comments of praise to himself from himself.
2. He never really accepted responsibility for his actions. One of the first steps of recovery is taking responsibility for their actions. It's not enough to name a blog NO EXCUSES. They have to live their whole life with 24/7 NO EXCUSES.
3. He blamed his sexual "fantasies" on the fact that he was abused. Most of us Survivors knew that as long as he was playing the "victim" himself, he wasn't OWNING his behavior. Abusers in recovery KNOW who the REAL VICTIMS are.
4. Active abusers do not see the difference between fantasy and reality. They can rarely separate the two.

The reaction of the initial Survivors were strong. It is not inappropriate for Victims/Survivors to react strongly when someone is trying to abuse them mentally, emotionally, physically or sexually.

They ranted. They raved. They were angry.

People walked into the conversation at different times with different reactions ...

There were some who hadn't read the blogs (Squash had already deactivated them) so they were reserving judgment. Fair enough.

There were others who got notes from Squash that said:
Thought that I would take a chance. I want you to know that much of what was posted were distortions of the facts about my offense, my treatment, and my recovery. I could not possibly believe that these people called me their friend. I trusted them. And Lucy's and others false claims that there was more than one victim were just plain wrong. One of the reasons that I chose Blogstream in the beginning was that I felt safe there. Last night I didn't. When I first posted the notice of my "other blog", the board lit up like a Christmas tree. Blogs updated, but no comments left, so I KNEW that they were sending PMs all over.
I will miss you. Good luck. Thanks for all the good memories.
(Here's what I see ... a bid for sympathy, paranoia and manipulation)

There were some who had read Squash's blog but their approach was more analytical, like a scientist would look at a bug ... Scientists don't feel anything at all for bugs and when someone gets upset when they see a bug, they wonder what the fuss is all about.

There were others who walked into the middle of the conversation and it looked to them like everyone was ganging up on one person (they may have even received Squash's everyone-is-picking-on-me note) or maybe they, themselves, have felt ganged up on before so they were not going to participate. Their sense of fair play was damaged. No matter what the other person had done, there was NO WAY that they would EVER treat anyone the way they had been treated.

There were also a few who simply didn't believe it was true ... because they don't want to believe that abuse happens ... so it was easier to believe Squash made it up.

The Survivors saw all of the hesitation and questions as people not supporting them and every single Former Victim/Survivor has felt the grief of not being supported or understood so they reacted even more, feeling they had to defend themselves.

There were also a few former victims who actually defended Squash. People saw that as incredibly enlightened but some of us Survivors see it as something else. Survivors have a deep wish to make peace with what happened to them, no matter what it takes. We look for hope that someone is not "all bad" even when faced with evidence of abuse and admissions of guilt, Survivors, looking for resolution to their original abuse are especially vulnerable to hoping for CHANGE, believing that if they can help/fix/change this new abuser, then maybe, there will be hope for healing from what their original abuser did to them. This is addictive thinking at it's worst. No one can love another human being to HEALTH. We each have our own demons to tame. IT IS NEVER UP TO ANY VICTIM/SURVIVOR TO SAVE ANY ABUSER.

All of you encouraging a former victim to befriend a former abuser is the same thing as encouraging an alcoholic to drink or a drug addict to use drugs! Abusers were "our drug". We are survivors but we are recovering addicts too. We were addicted to the idea that we could help/change/fix "bad people"! If you identify a CRIMINAL who has managed to "hook" the sympathy of a former victim/survivor, it is almost predictable that the Survivor will defend the CRIMINAL. Victims/Survivors in RECOVERY must NEVER have substantial contact with an abuser. IT IS PUTTING THE VICTIM/SURVIVOR AT DIRECT RISK OF BEING ABUSED AGAIN!

Saturday night, I saw reasonable people, motivated by their own painful experiences, demanding to be heard and understood! From my point of view, most of you walked in on something that you weren't involved in.

If Squash had shot his victims, they would have gotten more help and sympathy than what they did! Their wounds were and are real and some of you owe an apology to them for not recognizing their pain and offering support.

I'm thankful that I got to experience this with all of you. I listened to your opinions. Some of them made me realize the importance of working and writing and talking to anyone that will listen about abuse because the public certainly does need more information, if nothing else, to safeguard themselves.

Abuse is real.
Abuse happens.
Talk to your children about being safe.
There are signs of abuse that you can watch for.
If you see any sign of abuse in a child, report it.
Let the authorities check it out.
If there is a problem, the child WILL get help.
Don't let ANY CHILD SUFFER ALONE ever again!

Am I a lynch mob? Nope. I'm just one person, expressing an opinion that you are free to agree with or not. I don't care either way. Am I trying to stop Squash from blogging? No. He probably already has a new name, a new profile and a new blog. Victims are HIS drug. Am I quoting statistics and data. Nope. Do you think I'm wrong? That's OK. Do you think I might be right but you don't want to take my word for it? Fine. Print this and take it to the abuse counselor of your choice and get a second opinion.


My mailbox is full of emails. I thought I could put this down, but too many of my friends are still hurt. There are a few who are afraid they are going to be victimized, not on the net, but in real life.

Where is all the fear/pain coming from? We do not have to be afraid. We don't have to feel pain!

We are a community of mostly rational, good, kind people. We can pull together and make everyone feel safe and respected. Squash may have stirred up the pot, but he had nothing to do with us all running around fighting each other, playing into each other's fears. We're better than this!

C'mon people! Fight back! Be WHO you are. Is being RIGHT the most important thing? I don't think so. I think people are and YOU matter to me.

To everyone that I have not gotten back to yet this is to let you know that I love each and everyone of you and am geting thru my mail as fast as I can and will be personnally answering all of you ( this is just so you know I appreciate and love each and eveyone of you) It is a new day and I intend to smile even though my heart still cries for all we have been thru this weekend and for what is happening in this world and the real world right now. Love and Hugs Chey

I am sorry I did not say good bye properly I am a very do it now kind of person I do not like good byes never have. I have recieved many comments and well wishes and feel that by leaving I am depriving myself of those I have grown fond of. I do want everyone to know that I did not leave here because of Squash I did not know of his Crap until after I had deactivated and I was surfing around and landed on Lucy's blog and got only a half sided story the kind I hate as there is always two sides I need both to give informed opinions and was scared for his safety and mine as well, as that was how the tone was being set by a few that jumped to conclussions that if we weren't with them we were with the enemy, not the case at all.
Not everyone got to see The blogs or comments in questioned and It caused me great grief that I thought I had dealt with and now anyone who reads Lucy's blog or taylors blog will know more of me than they would probably care to know. With the Help of my husband I know longer feel it is my fault what happened to me, It was not a church or religious people that helped me, Churches and their kind shunned me and kept me away from their children growing up as I was tainted and might lead their children astray, and the bigoted attitudes was exuded by several on the stream of judging by a half story on the faith that we should believe them when in reality victims don't believe most any one. there is only one person in my life that if he told me the world was flat and the sky was green and the ground was blue that I would believe and that is the captain. I am sorry if I have hurt anyones feelings it is not my intentions to do so and I am tired now so will write another hopefully better post tomorrow and not about abuse or squash or anything remotely close to this, good nite or good morning, love to all angels and heathens Chey